March 8, 2022 - SO TELL ME DOC

Brian and I met with the surgeon. Coincidentally the surgeon was the same surgeon that performed an emergency appendectomy on Brian. What are the chances?!?!? I liked her immediately. She spoke to us with positive reinforcement on the good things, but was realistic on the bad things. I was stage 0 DCIS. I also had ALH, which is Atypical Lobular Hyperplasia. What’s that? Glad you asked, because so did I. It is not cancer, but it increases the risk of breast cancer. If they continue to accumulate and become more abnormal it can transition into breast cancer. So that doesn’t sound good. They ask lots of family genetic questions, trying to see if there is something, anything, that would make me higher risk for breast cancer. As far as I know though, there is no breast cancer, no ovarian cancer and no uterine cancer in my family. She wants me to get genetic testing to test for the BRCA gene, which if you have basically means at some point you too will be in this situation as long as you have boobies. 

As we continue to talk and she shows my scans and talks through everything, it just doesn’t seem to be going the way I envisioned. Remember, I’m going to get a lumpectomy and go to Starbucks. She’s prepping me that I’m just not a candidate for a lumpectomy. But she also does a good job in reminding me that we're looking at non-invasive, which would generally mean no chemotherapy and no radiation. I don’t know what to say. I didn't come in here thinking chemo or radiation was something I even had to consider. I don’t have any more questions to ask, I want to leave. I need to get an MRI so she can get a better visual of the fucking disease in me and go from there. 

 Brian and I walk out of the office with a large and heavy book titled, Breast Cancer Treatment Book. I get about 5 feet from the door and he embraces me while I cry. Ugly cry. I’m going to loose a boob. WTF.