April 28, 2022 - ONCOLOGIST (NOT PROCTOLOGIST) APPT

Yesterday we met with my recommended oncologist. It's a surreal feeling walking into the office, as I am by far the youngest patient in there. I'm surrounded by warriors in their 60's or later. I'm not saying 60 is old, because it's not, but as a 44 year old woman, I felt out of place. I really shouldn't be here, I'm still waiting for someone to apologetically tell me they've made a mistake. And it would be totally fine. Keep the tits and the cancer. No harm no foul. No such luck.

Met with my oncologist. Turns out he was part of the tumor board that discussed my case at length the week prior. While we are still waiting for the final Oncotype score, he tells us his professional advice, which was mutual among the board. First, Oncotype score basically provides a risk assessment based on characteristics of each individuals cancer. Tumor size, how aggressive  it is, where it is, the health and age of patient, etc. It helps doctors determine what type of treatment would be best for each person. In my case, my cancer became aggressive, fast. Based on all of my cancer characteristics the Dr. already has an opinion of what plan needs to be set in motion. So this is what I'm looking at...

2 months of chemo which is administered every other week. This takes about 3 hours for each treatment. After that, another chemo drug weekly for about 3 months. This is about a 2 hour treatment each session. So a total of 5 months of chemo. 

After that, radiation. Not sure on how long that will be, but their initial thought is 4-6 weeks, Monday thru Friday. I will also be put on an estrogen blocker pill and will go through a series of shots to shut down my ovaries (because I'm premenopausal). 

Again, it's all 'stuff' we've already been teased about, but being in a doctor office just reminds you how real all of this is. 

We leave the office and I cry. I'm not crying because I've learned something new, I just felt like crying. I needed a brief release and I felt better. 

Came home to my dad sitting with my youngest, who of course wanted to ask how everything went. I think it was the first time in this journey that I cried on my dads shoulder. Well, might have been his belly, because he's 6'4" and I can't really reach his shoulder. I still have drains on both sides of my arms, so he did his best to embrace me so gently, yet so perfectly. I know he wishes he could take all of this from me, but he can't. I'm the warrior now. 

Thinking about cutting my hair soon. I'd like to donate my current hair if possible also. So now I'm looking up hairstyles for short hair. I know I'll lose all of my hair, but I'm thinking if I cut it short now, it's a gradual change rather than a one step drastic change to G.I. Jane (Please don't slap me Will Smith).