April 19, 2022 - WHAT YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?

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I’m healing great. Only took paid meds for about 5 days. I’m moving around more, while also getting in trouble from hubby by doing so. Since posting on FB, I’ve had even more of an outreach from friends that have either been through exactly the same diagnosis, or something similar. It’s been amazing. I’m able to ask questions I didn’t know to ask before. I think I said this in a previous post, but I will forever be tied to these warrior women that so graciously reach out to me and I am so thankful for everyone. 

My ducks are still following me. I’m hoping I’ll be able to get these darn tubes out soon. They’re annoying and I can’t wear any shirt unless it’s a button up, because I can’t lift my arms with these tubes. Over all though, we’re in the clear. 

Then the phone call from the surgeon with final pathology results. Brian happens to be sitting next to me, so I put it on speaker. 

There has been a plot twist. That fucking plot twist. First, they identified ALH (Atypical Lobular Hyperplasia – not cancer, but can turn into cancer) in my left breast. So it was a good decision that I decided to also remove it. The kicker in the pants… turns out there were three areas in my right breast where the cancer had turned invasive, meaning it left the ducts. It just became too aggressive too fast. Stupid cancer. Wait for it… my lymph node that was originally cleared also gets extensive testing and that came back as showing cancer as well. Very small, 1mm, called micrometastases. AND… margins didn’t clear my nipple and she needs to remove my nipple as soon as possible. 

What does this all mean? It means everything we didn’t think I’d need. Chemotherapy, radiation and an estrogen blocker pill that I’ve heard so many amazing stories about. I'm now considered Stage 2A Grade 3. Basically it's the size of tumors found, coupled with how much it's spread and how aggressive it has become. That's how I understood it, when I asked for the 5th time. 

We hung up the phone, I literally threw the phone across the room and just buried my head in my lap. WHAT THE FUCK?!?! Those were my actual words. How and WHY is this happening to us? I felt like we’ve been dealt a shit hand and I can’t even trade my cards in. I was so adamant that I didn’t want to lose my nipples. Seems so minor, but it’s what I wanted and I can’t even have that. 

We both cry, collect ourselves and realize we can’t change what has happened, so we move on. Brian reminds me that Barbie has boobs, but no nipples. So it got me thinking… Would Mattel be interested in sponsoring my right boob? Maybe a Mattel logo in place of the nipple? If Barbie can rock it, why can’t I?



 

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